Just as teachers would not approach students like me – quiet, do my own stuffs and never get into trouble, Mr W is someone whom I would never approach during this attachment had it not been for my clinical instructor, Mr A, who had requested an interview from him on my behalf, as part of my attachment requirements. He was a quiet person, never saying much to my questions besides the very basic. I guessed he may even be having trouble with sitting down with me and answering my endless questions. Nevertheless, he sat through the interview and did his best though he left abruptly after my interview, without even telling me.
Throughout my attachment, I tried to interact with him, firstly due to the need to write my report about his progress and gradually, just to talk to him, hoping to make his day less boring. However, not all days were smooth sailing. When he was in a good mood and not mentally disturbed, he would be able to play a few games of checkers and/or English chess. On the other hand, when his condition (schizophrenia) “striked”, mostly after dinner every day, he would feel the need to hum and pace up and down the whole ward for more than a few times. In this case, our interaction would be disrupted. Someone explained that humming may just be to block out the internal clatter (auditory hallucinations) -- Mr W's coping mechanism.
Throughout the attachment, I feel that Mr W has the potential to get well especially if his symptom of humming could be controlled. On his good days, he was willingly to play more than just a game of checkers only and answer with words, instead of sounds.
On the last day of my attachment however, his condition was bothering him and interfering with our interaction and thus, I didn’t have a chance to introduce new chess mates to him as planned (I had hoped to introduce one or two chess mates to him so that he could play and interact with more people and hone his social skills). Though all the patients in the ward would have known that day was our last day there, I still wanted to tell him personally that it was my last day and that I would not be there to disturb him anymore even if he wanted. However, I kept dragging having to tell him because I thought we would still have a lot of time for that later. I should have known that there isn’t much time actually because normally most of the patients would have been asleep by 8+pm. Mr W was no exception. He was already sleeping when I finally wanted to bade him goodbye for the last time. I wanted to leave without saying goodbye but after some internal reflection and debate, I realized I would not be able to live with not saying goodbye for at least a few days. Thus, wanting a proper closure, I went to wake him up and told him. He was half-asleep and I finally left with the feeling of not knowing whether he would wake up tomorrow thinking it was all a dream or whether he would even remember it at all.Oh well, I sincerely wish him all the best in reintegrating into our society.
Well, take-away point here is that never to leave things, especially leaving things unspoken, till the last minute because you never know how much time you are left with..?
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